EDWARD SNOWDEN: IN RUSSIA, IT NEVER GETS EASY FOR AN AMERICAN TRAITOR
It was reported by sources close to the situation earlier today that Edward Snowden is having a hard time adjusting to his new life with temporary asylum in Russia.
“Every time someone offers me some vodka, it’s the most awkward thing in the world. I mean, I’m an American man, so what do I do when someone offers me some vodka? I look em dead in the eye and say, ‘Do you have any orange juice for it?’ Everyone stops talking to me after that. I haven’t made a single solitary friend,” remarked Mr. Snowden. “And don’t even get me started on this whole Vladmir Putin guy. He’s always out fighting bears and stuff, I mean, I’m an IT specialist. I just want to stay inside and play computer games. Give me a break.”